Wednesday, October 4, 2017



so it's been a while. a long time. 

I want to tell a story. the story ive been dealing with for the past few months.

so there was this girl. a girl that I fell for hard. her name was jaysea. things were good and pure starting out, us being friends. then things developed. by spring break she knew I liked her in that way. there was hope, there was light.

then came the rest of spring. she became cold, distant. and I worried. but I persisted with life. life must go on, right? I pushed the fear and worry down.

then came the day she left me behind without saying goodbye. and I cried. for maybe the first time in a long time, I cried.

summer rolled around and I continued to worry. she never responded to texts. it began to creep into my mind that it was my fault. and so that became a burden on my mind that sent me careening downhill. and I kept in inside. because my friends were struggling a lot more than I was. depression, anxiety...these things were worse than a broken heart so why not try and smile for them? 

it didn't help.

this past sunday, I was at work. I broke down. work, the stress and worry, dealing with personal issues unrelated to family. it all just came out and I burst out in a group chat. I broke down.

I stayed away from my friends. didn't want to burden them. so I hid away. away from everything. blocked out the noise and realized I was alone.

yesterday, I finally talked. talked to my friends. and they helped me.

being okay isn't mandatory. its cliche but its okay to not be okay.

this isn't anything related to religion either. I still believe and love God. this was a case of me holding it in because I didn't want to worry anyone. 

talk to people. don't be afraid to let things go. its a thing I'm struggling to do myself. but don't do what I did and hold it in. you only open yourself to worse things.

so where am I? moving forward, letting go. with the help of friends and God. 

but never afraid to love. 

always forward,


Saturday, December 31, 2016

An Addon

Also, apparently I'm supposed to give EU visitors a notice that cookies are used on this site. So that's awesome.

Happy New Year!


P.S. send some French food to me asap pls thanks


Hey, everyone! 

So, I know it's been a long time inbetween posts. I'd love to be a little more consistent when I can, but I've had no time inbetween my work as a shift manager at McDonald's (I made it!) and school as a freshman at the University of Montevallo (PV!). 

So...this year has been interesting. I'm not going to focus on the celebrity deaths, as those are already covered by better writers than myself. But rather, I'd like to take some time and reflect on what this year was for me.

The good:

~Promotion. Becoming a shift manager was really great for me. I enjoy my job.
~College. I love my university. The people in it and the scenery around it. I can't wait to go back and start the road to sophomore year and a Purple Victory!
~Friends. Speaking of people, I made some really great friends this year. I enjoy their company and am grateful for them.

The bad:

~Work: There's some stuff I'd rather not deal with at work (i.e. drama). Work is great, it could just do without drama.

As I look on it, I've definitely had more good this year than bad. Yes, the death of celebrities is bad, and I'm not looking forward to President Trump, but as I've been saying a lot this year: God's got this. The Lord gives and He takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

Here's to 2017. To a better year for some, and a even better one for others.


Monday, June 13, 2016

With Love

Hello all. Sorry for no posts, but life has been hectic lately. But what brought me out of a slump was the recent news from Orlando. In case you haven't heard, first, a young singer and personal role model of mine, Christina Grimmie was shot and killed Friday. Secondly, there was a shooting early yesterday morning at the Pulse gay nightclub, which is the worse mass shooting in America and the worse terrorist attack on American soil since 9/11. 

I want to extend my sympathies to the families of all the victims. My heart breaks for all of the lives lost. I mourn for Christina. Such an innocent and beautiful life cut short by the actions of a deranged man. She had so much more to do here, but I rejoice that she is in Heaven with God. No more pain, no more sorrow, just peace. The Grimmie family has been on my heart for the last few days since the attack. I never knew Christina personally, nor did I ever meet her. I always wanted to...but I'll never get that chance ever again, and I regret that I never could see her. But I was, and always will be Team Grimmie. Always. 

I mourn for the 50 lives lost in the nightclub shooting. Regardless of your religion and beliefs, these were lives lost by a terrorist attack. Let's not go into religion wars, because that's not needed right now. What is needed? Prayers. Action. Let's not have this happen ever again. 

I titled this post "With Love" after Christina's song of the same name, and I think love is still the best response we can have. 

With love, 


Friday, January 8, 2016

New Year

Hey, guys!

Sorry for not posting since September. It's been incredibly hectic for me. In August, I got a job at McDonald's, so that cut into my blogging time. 

First of all, Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all enjoyed the holiday with friends and family. I had to work both days, so meh, but whatever. xD 

So, what have we to look forward to this upcoming year?

I go to college in the fall. I was supposed to go last year, but ended up missing the deadline, so I ended up going for a gap year as the British call it. I'm really looking forward to it and hoping it'll go well. 

We have many superhero movies coming out this year. Captain America: Civil War, Doctor Strange, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Suicide Squad. Yes, I'm happy. Plus Rogue One and Star Trek Beyond both come out too, so that makes me happy as well. 

I recently got a PS4 in October or so. It's pretty great and I think Sony has a good system. Still miffed about what they've done to the PS Vita, but I'm still going to support them.

Finally, my family and I finally found a good church in Pelham, AL. I think it's a great fit for us and I think it's going to stick. We know some of the people there, and it's a good enough amount that we don't feel lost in the crowd, exactly. 

So, that's somewhat a recap of the last few months. How were yours? I pray that in this New Year, God continues to bless each and every one of you, and that He continues to lead you wherever you may go!

(Also, I'll probably end up blogging on my birthday. Don't expect it too much.)


Monday, September 7, 2015

Just a quick thought...

Didn't feel like writing a full blog tonight. May be writing one later tomorrow, but for now, just some thoughts on Kim Davis...

Funny how Christians choose to love Romans 12:2. You know, the whole "be ye not conformed..." verse? They love to apply this to politics and all of this. Might I add that Romans 13 is completely about authorities, including the first verse which is "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." 

In other words, no matter how much people hate the SCOTUS ruling, it was determined by the authorities. Therefore, Kim Davis was wrong. I know Christians know God has a plan for everyone and everything---including the United States. He wouldn't have allowed it without it being in His plan for His glory. 

"But Nathaniel, Kim Davis is being persecuted for doing God's work!" 

No. It doesn't work that way. See, the position Kim Davis held (I say held because to the best of my knowledge, she is still in jail) was one of which she was voted into. As such, she can only be impeached to be removed now. 

Wonder where I'm going with this? 

Who else holds a position like this?

The President. And you know what? What does the President do before officially becoming the President on Inauguration Day? He takes the oath of office

Just like Kim Davis took a oath of office for her position. See, because when you take an oath of office, no matter the position, you are supposed---no, EXPECTED to keep your beliefs to yourself, no matter what. So when Kim Davis began forcing her beliefs on the State of Kentucky, then I fully believe---and support---the actions of the judge who removed her temporarily. 

See, I fully support Christians in office---but if you take an oath of office, then you need to uphold that law and/or ruling above your beliefs. 

Maybe that's just me though. I find it funny that Kim Davis, who has divorced three times, is being held up as the standard for Christianity. 

I'm tired now, so good night. 


Thursday, August 27, 2015

Whatever Happened?

Hi guys. 

Sorry for not posting in a while. Life has been very hectic, both in my life and in the world.

I feel sad. Why? For America. Religious troubles aside, we cannot deny there is trouble in this country. So I want to kinda deviate from the usual and post about a song. 

The song in question: MKTO's "American Dream". I saw MKTO in concert a week or so ago. They're awesome. But that's beside the point. The concert introduced me to the song. 

So, here's the lyrics. I'm going to analyze them in sections.

Let's go.

Do something with your life, do something with your life
Do something with your life, do something with your life
Do something with your life, do something with your life
Do something with your life, do something with your life
(Ooh) With your life, with your life, with your life"

This is just your general statement. Do something. Don't let life pass you by. 

We broke down, trying to leave town
Lying on the road to change
We were born to run, Cali here we come

Escape from Nowhere, USA

So the bridge can be taken to be about small town kids (Escape from Nowhere, USA) wanting to be people, leaving their hometown.  Innocent in a way, but remember: they're heading for California. When you think of California, what comes to mind? If you guessed "fame", then you're most likely correct. They're leaving their small town, looking for fame. 

Say good-bye to white picket fences
Say hello to palm trees and Benzes
They say you got to fall, to have it all
And we don't want two kids and a wife
I don't want a job, I just want a life
Sometimes the underdogs rise, and the mighty fall (And the mighty fall!)

Here we go, the first verse. In this, we see the deconstruction of the American Dream as those who grew up in the 1950s-1960s knew it. (Say good-bye to white picket fences, say hello to palm trees and Benzes) To people my age and even sometimes older, the old "We'll survive on love and what little we can" routine is gone. Nowadays, we want more. We want more than just enough to live on. We can't live without our iPhones and the Internet. We crave our fast cars, our 21st century lifestyle.

They say you got to fall, to have it all says enough about it. Sometimes we do need to fall before we can truly stand up and claim what we earned. 

As for And we don't want two kids and a wife, well...this too is explanatory in itself. That old "live together, happy-ever-after ending" is seen to some as just the ways of the old generation sometimes too. Kids today thrive on what's called their "side chicks" (read: One in a relationship is cheating on their SO with someone else) I think the recent Ashley Madison hack shows the consequences of that thinking. As a 18-year-old, I want that fantasy. I want to love and to be loved by someone. I want to carry on my legacy to my children when I have them someday. I want that old-fashioned dream. 

I don't want a job, I just want a life is pretty big. Remember, we're examining the American Dream here. In the 1950s-1970s, you were expected to have a job, to provide for your family. Nowadays, kids want to live their dreams. While I support that for certain things, we cannot ignore that you cannot just drop everything and go for it. We need that job, not just for what it provides, but for what it teaches. It teaches responsibility. 

Sometimes the underdogs rise, and the mighty fall (And the mighty fall!) is good. We as a society love to see the underdogs win. We want the modern-day Davids to win against their Goliaths. 

And the chorus: 

This ain’t the same summer song that you used to know
Cause Jack left Diane thirty years ago
The world is spinning too fast for you and me
So tell me whatever happened to the American dream?

Replace the lyrics "summer song" with American dream. This truly isn't the American Dream people once knew. 

Cause Jack left Diane thirty years ago is both a statement and a reference to the John Mellencamp song Jack and Diane, which is another song talking about the American Dream. The statement, believe it or not, is the kicker. Jack left Diane? Divorce. Think about it. Divorce is horribly huge. Again, religious reasoning aside, my opinion is that people can't work it out. They aren't willing to suffer a short while for a lifetime of love. People, people, people, the only reason I would ever support divorce is in the case of adultery or physical, psychological, and/or emotional abuse. Otherwise, take the bullet. Work it out. We're never promised that once we're married, everything will be perfect.

The world is spinning too fast for you and me/So tell me whatever happened to the American dream? Indeed. What did happen to the American dream? It changed, as must all things save for God. Life changes. But that doesn't mean we should get rid of everything. 

I knew a girl, I met her last night
She was fresh off the plane
She whispered in my ear
"Baby come here, I'll do anything to make a name."

What have we wrought? The last line is incredibly relevant to our time. To achieve fame, people will do anything. I bring you Anthony Riley. Name sound familiar? You might have heard him bust out I Feel Good! by James Brown on the Voice last season. He was amazing. You know what happened? He wanted to do anything to get famous. He ended up on a long and depressing road that led to him taking his own life a few months ago. Terrible, right? Think about other deceased celebrities. What happened? To some, fame was too stressful. (Robin Williams) Depression is harmful, but it's one of only many issues that fame brings. But look at my fellow teens. How many have wanted to be famous? A lot. Some make it, but they've maybe had to do things they didn't like to do. Sad, isn't it? Let's keep moving. 

Honey take my hand and follow me, cause
I don't want to hurt you and he does
I just want to give you some real advice
Never take candy from stranger
And keep your eyes open for danger
Because this right here is a twisting paradise

Again, what have we wrought? In a world where anyone can step into a world and shoot children, or kill two newscasters because he felt he was mistreated... Why? The world is not a safe place anymore. (Never take candy from stranger/And keep your eyes open for danger) 

That last line too..What does it mean by twisting paradise? Well, look at it from this way: We already established that the American Dream has changed. It has been twisted by perspectives. We all have our own ideas as to what the American Dream means to us personally. There's nothing wrong with that. But we must acknowledge that things are no longer as they were. Paradise has twisted. 

This ain't the same summer song that you used to know
So baby let's live and die before we get old
You know that nothing is the way it used to be
So tell me whatever happened to the American dream

This part has changed. So baby let's live and die before we get old speaks to our generation so much too. Our mindset as a generation is built upon the idea that we need to live the best we can before we get too old to enjoy life to the fullest. I'm not denying that, it's pretty poignant. A lot of us do have that idea. But just because we grow old doesn't mean that we cannot live life to its' fullest. We can, but in different ways. 

Finally, there's this: You know that nothing is the way it used to be/So tell me whatever happened to the American dream. Incredible, and it's the way I want to end this part of the post. We all know that society has changed. Look at the trends as of recently. Look at public opinion. This isn't the 1950s-era America, where we knew where our faith was, what we felt was right. 

So, what happened? We changed as a nation. We changed as a world. We changed as a society. We became less focused on what was best to pursue what the world said was right. 

I'm grateful to know Christ. I'm grateful to have that old set of morals instilled in me. I know that whatever the world says, I can ignore. The American Dream is still there. It's different for everyone, but we all just want to be who we are, do what we feel is right for us. 

I think Captain America said it best: 

Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move."

I'll see you all later.