coda.

 coda: a concluding event, remark, or section.

we began anew.

as you know, i went no contact with my parents on july fourth. i will not lie. it has been the absolute hardest thing to not run to unblock them. to not try and run back, accept what they say is true. how could a child abandon their parents first? 

no. i will not break. i will not bow.

we went to my mother-in-law’s home the next day for a cookout to celebrate july fourth. while there, it hit me. 

i’m never going to get to celebrate my mother’s birthday with her again. 

i'll never get to sing her a happy birthday, or buy her a gift, or tell her how happy I was to have her in my life.

it continued to hit me. dad’s birthday. their anniversary. thanksgiving. christmas. new year’s. my birthday. my daughter’s birthday.

no more celebrating. 

but then i remembered.

i remembered how my mother-in-law accepted me as part of the family from day one.

i remember how there was no judgment when i began dating my fiancée. 

how much her family loved me, and how little my parents loved her.

my siblings? what an amazing support system. consistently there for me. consistently there for us. 

i smiled.

what an absolute coda to a painful saga.

how amazing to end a painful parental relationship on the date of independence. how appropriate that life moved forward on the birthdate of one who caused the most pain. 

my mother. perfect, can do no wrong. in her eyes. 

one day maybe a new saga will begin anew. one in which my parents will see the sins they’ve committed. one in which they apologize profusely. one in which forgiveness and kindness reign, just a little while longer. 

but for now, as the spider-man said,

nah, imma do my own thing.

~nate