Face Your Fears; or How I Learned to Love 2020

    Howdy, folks.

    Welcome back to my relative corner of the universe, where I don't update this as much as I probably should. Actually, I've been that way for social media for most of the past couple of years; while I'm more active on Reddit, TikTok, Twitter, and Snapchat, my Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, and LinkedIn stay relatively quiet, aside from the random "pissing-off-my-conservative/Trumper-friends-and-family" posts. But that's also what's helped me survive a lot of my 2020. 

    Let's be honest: 2020 sucked. It sucked at the beginning of the year, when we (meaning the collective world) didn't prepare enough for a small little virus coming out of the Wuhan province to when one of the world's greatest athletes passed away in an accident that was preventable. It sucked in the middle of the year, as we all had to adapt to new social changes in the wake of the virus that grew to kill more than 300,000 Americans at a time, to the righteous rage of those following the tragic and senseless death of George Floyd by Derek Chauvin and the three other officers, along with the death of Breonna Taylor, whose senseless murder still lacks proper justice, as does Mr. Floyd's. It sucked during autumn, when people began fights over supposed "voter fraud" and we lost beloved celebrities, especially the one and only Chadwick Boseman (wakanda forever <3). And it sucked at the conclusion, where the President refuses to concede to his loss, we still lose people no matter what, and the world readies to embrace a new year. 

    You know what? I can't complain too much. Certainly the year has sucked. But there have been five major things in my life that has made my life so much better: 

    1) I got engaged to the love of my life, my forever, Maggie, and it couldn't have been better. 

    2) Maggie and I moved in together, our first time, and while things haven't gone smoothly, it's a learning experience that we can take with us. 

    3) I graduated from the University of Montevallo, with a Bachelor's in History w/ a Minor in Business. While I may not have graduated with any real top honors, I proved myself worthy of a degree. 

    4) I changed jobs into a new career that I really enjoy, and I'm learning new skills everyday.

    5) I got a new car, a 2020 Ford EcoSport SE! It holds all my work equipment and I get good mileage. 

    There are many things to be grateful for; but for real, I'm just wanting 2021 to be a better year for everyone; hopefully it will be. The vaccines for COVID-19 are being distributed. We have a new President and hopefully if we gain control of the Senate, then we can actually enact real change. And for my personal life, I'm looking into new things and new experiences. You only turn 24 once, so let's see what's gonna happen. 

    Fair winds and following seas,

    Nathaniel

Life Changes

Hello, world! 

It's obviously been a while and although no one reads this, I find it nice to word vomit on this every now and then, maybe as a form of therapy? Reflection maybe? I don't know, but I enjoy all of these. 

Maggie and I moved out of our parents' houses July 3, and it's been a learning experience for us, along with our roommates. It's been fun though, getting to encounter new situations. Some of those have been frustrating only for the reason of dealing with our new apartment complex and issues with that, like our air conditioning unit not working, but as long as I'm with Maggie, I'm as happy as can be. 

I'm also finally leaving McDonald's for a new job with Vivint. While I feel somewhat sad leaving McDonald's, I'm more relaxed and ready for the future, so I'm ready for the rest of the world to reveal itself, and I'm excited for the journey. 

After graduation, I really didn't have a clue about what I wanted to do except for marrying Maggie and spending the rest of our lives together. But now my world is looking up, and I can't complain. Sunshine's finally heading our way. 

Fair winds and following seas, 

Nathaniel

Oh, Hey Again

Oh hey, it's Blogger.

I haven't used this in a while. 

I guess I gotta update this. 

So, what's happened to me since my last post? 

I became a senior at the University of Montevallo. That's a shocking fact. It's been...inspiring, to say the least. I've been looking back on the past four years; the mistakes I've made, the friends I've made and lost... I've been through a lot. And I've honestly got regrets. 

Why did I do this? Could I have saved that friendship? 

Those types of questions haunt my mind sometimes. But realistically? For as many regrets I've had, I've got a lot more successes. I've got friends that would have my back. I've made connections and found an idea of my future ahead of me. I've defined my beliefs, some of which don't correlate with my previous positions on this blog. I'll get into that later. But college has been the best experience for me, and I'll be sad to see it go in May. 

What else...

Oh!

I found my person. Her name is Maggie. We met while working at McDonald's (yes, I still work there), and she's been my girlfriend for a month. We've got a lot to go, but for now, I'm taking my time and enjoying her light in my life. 

I guess that's it? 

I don't know if this is being read anywhere. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is. But I'll try to get back on the blogging train. If you're interested again, welcome back. Just reading for the first time? Welcome! Hopefully I'll be back on track. 

Fair winds and following seas, 

Nathaniel

legacies

legacies. 

what are legacies?

lin-manuel miranda described it in hamilton as "it's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see." 

well, my papaw left a legacy. my papaw was a great man. God-fearing and honest. a man who would tell you how it is. a democrat in Indiana. papaw was a good man. 

i'm still reeling. 

unable to cry. unable to break down. i don't cry much.  i cried when i broke down to my friends. but yet i haven't cried about my papaw yet. i don't know why. 

maybe its because i haven't coped with it. maybe if i go to their house later, ill expect to see him. 

see him in that big old recliner, tv louder than normal, changed to the hunting channel. or maybe at his dining room table, drinking his coffee in a dinky little cup. 

i miss you, papaw. enjoy heaven. you're more than virtually alright. 

always forward, 

nate

onwards.

hey.

so it's been a while. a long time. 

I want to tell a story. the story ive been dealing with for the past few months.

so there was this girl. a girl that I fell for hard. her name was jaysea. things were good and pure starting out, us being friends. then things developed. by spring break she knew I liked her in that way. there was hope, there was light.

then came the rest of spring. she became cold, distant. and I worried. but I persisted with life. life must go on, right? I pushed the fear and worry down.

then came the day she left me behind without saying goodbye. and I cried. for maybe the first time in a long time, I cried.

summer rolled around and I continued to worry. she never responded to texts. it began to creep into my mind that it was my fault. and so that became a burden on my mind that sent me careening downhill. and I kept in inside. because my friends were struggling a lot more than I was. depression, anxiety...these things were worse than a broken heart so why not try and smile for them? 

it didn't help.

this past sunday, I was at work. I broke down. work, the stress and worry, dealing with personal issues unrelated to family. it all just came out and I burst out in a group chat. I broke down.

I stayed away from my friends. didn't want to burden them. so I hid away. away from everything. blocked out the noise and realized I was alone.

yesterday, I finally talked. talked to my friends. and they helped me.

being okay isn't mandatory. its cliche but its okay to not be okay.

this isn't anything related to religion either. I still believe and love God. this was a case of me holding it in because I didn't want to worry anyone. 

talk to people. don't be afraid to let things go. its a thing I'm struggling to do myself. but don't do what I did and hold it in. you only open yourself to worse things.

so where am I? moving forward, letting go. with the help of friends and God. 

but never afraid to love. 

always forward,

nate

An Addon

Also, apparently I'm supposed to give EU visitors a notice that cookies are used on this site. So that's awesome.

Happy New Year!

Nathaniel

P.S. send some French food to me asap pls thanks

Reflections

Hey, everyone! 

So, I know it's been a long time inbetween posts. I'd love to be a little more consistent when I can, but I've had no time inbetween my work as a shift manager at McDonald's (I made it!) and school as a freshman at the University of Montevallo (PV!). 

So...this year has been interesting. I'm not going to focus on the celebrity deaths, as those are already covered by better writers than myself. But rather, I'd like to take some time and reflect on what this year was for me.

The good:

~Promotion. Becoming a shift manager was really great for me. I enjoy my job.
~College. I love my university. The people in it and the scenery around it. I can't wait to go back and start the road to sophomore year and a Purple Victory!
~Friends. Speaking of people, I made some really great friends this year. I enjoy their company and am grateful for them.

The bad:

~Work: There's some stuff I'd rather not deal with at work (i.e. drama). Work is great, it could just do without drama.

As I look on it, I've definitely had more good this year than bad. Yes, the death of celebrities is bad, and I'm not looking forward to President Trump, but as I've been saying a lot this year: God's got this. The Lord gives and He takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

Here's to 2017. To a better year for some, and a even better one for others.

Nathaniel